The Dating Diaries: chapter 1

You guys. I am 19. Do you know what that means? 19 years without a functional relationship with a man who is chivalrous, intelligent, funny, well dressed, somewhat inappropriate and hard-working. Nope. Clearly Cupid hates me and Aphrodite (the goddess of love) is a total bitch because instead I have had weirdos thrown in my path and have subsequently deemed myself undateable.

I have tried talking to guys younger than me, the same age as me and older than me and every attempt has led to failure. 

There was the guy who got mad at me for not liking ham. And I am not overeacting when I say he got very angry with me.

Then there was the guy who was a walking oxymoron. It’s like, get your shit together. 

Then there was the guy who…honestly, I can’t even talk about it. All I can say is no. He was a HOT MESS. I have friends who can attest.

Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe I am so fugly that the world is punishing me and considers me unworthy for normal love. I don’t effing know. All I know is that even though I am only 19, I am thisclose to completing the final step of my granny-dom by only ever wearing house slippers and a robe and receiving love from the only Mr. I need, Mr. Whiskers. To be honest, at this point it sounds more pleasant than what I have been dealing with. 

Now when reading this, do not judge me, for I am not even sure what this post is. I am not sure if it is me complaining because I want to be in a relationship or me finally accepting and embracing the single life I have lived. Who knows?

All I do know is that I am fucking weird. I say things that a truck-driver with no filter would say, yet I do so while wearing a dress and a bow in my hair. I bake. I have no volume control. I drink more coffee than I should. And I sing… alot. But I thought that every pot (however weird that pot may be*) was supposed to have its lid? 

Maybe I am just a lidless pot…

*and let me clarify. Although I fully own up to being weird, I am still functional and too smart for the freaks that I have encountered. If you know me, you will agree that even I should not settle for the men in my past.