Let me start this post by saying I am currently in love with
1) this cold weather… scarves, sweaters, boots! LOVE
2) T. Swift’s new album. I keep listening to “All Too Well” and “Begin Again” on repeat and don’t plan on stopping until my roommate yells at me.
I may be a stereotypical teenage girl, but T. Swift’s lyrics just get me.
Well now that y’all know my current music preferences, I have recently discovered that I don’t know much about myself. Yeah I know what music I like and what magazines I like to read but I don’t really know what makes me happy. I feel as if my whole life I have been worried about other people and that’s fine, I wouldn’t change how I grew up for the world because I know it has made me, me, but I feel as if I have never got to be selfish and worry about just me, and because of this, I don’t know what I want to do or who I want to be. I long for a trip of self-discovery, maybe a road trip or just a vacation by myself, but I know that is out of the question. Maybe it is just this age and this transition between 2 completely contrasting phases of life, but my soul kind of feels lost. I am not saying I am unhappy or anything like that, I just feel kind of blah. I feel as if I am always doing what I am supposed to be doing and am waiting for something significant. I know that isn’t the way to live, and I just had a friend tell me that people need to find joy in the mundane, not wait for the extravagant, but I cannot help it. I seem to be praying and waiting for some big event to occur that will shake me out of this funk and tell me who I am supposed to be. I just want to know if I am going to be doing something important, if I am affecting people in a positive way, and if I am going to feel happy and whole. For now, I am going to continue to pray and try to have a positive outlook. Hopefully I will find out who I am and settle into a role that is fulfilling soon enough…
Until then, I am just putting my faith in God and will continue to work hard.