So this Thanksgiving break I have concluded 2 things:
1) It will probably never get easier for me to return to school after a break. That being said, I will more than likely cry, stress eat and consider transferring the day before I am supposed to leave. Will I ever actually transfer? who knows. Am I one hell of a hot mess? definitely.
Going back to school is hard. Who in their right mind would want to be away from family, pets and hometown friends to go sleep in a dorm room and do homework? no one. I personally feel burnt out on school. I have always busted my butt. I excelled in the classroom leading to my status as an overachieving honors student while working and being involved (and sometimes being in charge) of a multitude of clubs.
I was so freaked out about graduation and going to college. I wanted my gold cord and tassel. I wanted to receive scholarships. I would worry so much I would cry in my room for hours after cheer practice or work, muster the energy to shower, and wake up at 4 am to do my mountains of homework. I rarely missed school and was drained throughout my high school career. but I pushed through. My anxiety was at an all time high but I did it.
You know what I have realized though? I think I used up all of my “good student-ness” in high school. I despise school now. I don’t want to do homework. I don’t want to be in college. I just want to nap. Maybe it is a funk, but I am scared I have lost my mojo. and the scariest thing is I just don’t care. I want to have a great career, but I am over this whole academia bull. I know I am probably going to look back on this period of my life, and kick myself for complaining, but right now I am over college. I am thankful for it, but I don’t like it.
2) aside from my complaining tangent, I have also learned that once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator.
I don’t know why I do this to myself every time, but I apparently cannot help it. I waste time doing other unimportant crap and put off big projects until the last minute. How can you tell if I am in the midst of a procrastination fit? ONE my caffeine intake increases exponentially TWO facebook and twitter checking occur every other minute THREE a complaint filled blog post will more than likely be written (see above)
I am agitated, annoyed, frustrated and stressed, if you couldn’t tell from this post.
I need Christmas Break.
Finals can die.
and I severely need retail therapy, but am too broke to even afford McDonald’s.
Anyone want to buy one of my kidneys?
I’m not kidding…….