Well, since I last wrote I have done a lot.
I moved into a house with my college friends, I have started my new job and I have rediscovered my ridiculous lack of basic chemistry skills, thank you summer classes. I have also re-upped my Netflix subscription so when I want to console myself from my failed attempts at chem, and distract myself from gouging my own eyes out, I have been watching a lot of Audrey Hepburn movies and Parks and Recreation.
I mean, laying in bed all Sunday and watching TV doesn’t sound like the most profound, adult like thing I could be doing, but this house is starting to feel like a home, and I am starting to feel like an adult, not a complete poser. I may be only 20, but I feel like I am pretty put together. I am proud of where I am. BUT I was thinking though how different my life, or anyone’s life really, could be. I mean we are born into our lives without any control as to where we are placed, and this life that we are born into is something that I feel is partially pre-determined. What if, we were allowed to go back though and change maybe one moment of our life? Would you? And would that new decision significantly alter where you are right now?
I may ONLY be 20, but I still feel like there are things in my life I missed out on. I am a homebody, a tendency that was further perpetuated by my homebody mother, and I don’t feel like I am going to have crazy stories to look back on and laugh about when I am older. I never did risky things in high school, nor do I do them now; I play it safe. This habit is probably what got me to where I am and makes me, ME, but has it also caused me to have this vacancy in my past experiences that will now remain forever unfilled. And will that small unfulfillment lead to me being not whole, forever?
I am not sure exactly what specific moment in my life I would alter if I could, or even if I would, but the question will still remain.
It is just strange to think about living a different life. I believe we are put where we are supposed to be, but that still doesn’t remove the confusion and bewilderment I often possess about the life I lead.