So I was talking with someone this afternoon about life, love and the pursuit of happiness (yada, yada, yada) and, inevitably and unavoidably, the topic of relationships came up. Now, if you have ever read my blog before and/or know me in person, you know that being in a romantic relationship is a sore spot for me. I am a smart person, I am a driven person. I have had a lot of life experience for only being 20. Give me a task. I will do it, and I will do it well. Relationships though? That part of my life is severely underdeveloped. It’s like I am a newborn babe when thrust into the realm of love, lust and heartbreak. Now I have spent years bitching, crying, and ultimately hating myself because I am alone. I would look in the mirror and pick things about me that were wrong, pinpointing certain physical aspects of myself that must have been the thing keeping me from joining the land of couples.
Well, I am an idiot.
You know what? I am pretty. I am not saying that to be cocky. I am not saying I am Heidi Klum gorgeous. It feels weird to say that after years upon years of insecurity and self-deprecation. But you know what I have realized? That doesn’t even matter! You could be the prettiest freaking person in the whole damn world. Guess what? It isn’t going to last. You know what will? Your character. The way you treat others. The things you put into the world. Your inner soul is what will stick around.
Now, I have always said that I act like a grandma, and I have gone through periods of anxiety because I feel like I am not doing what society tells me, a single college-aged girl, should be doing. In addition to worrying how I looked and trying to figure out how to change, I began to worry that maybe I was single because I don’t party. I don’t sleep around. Instead, I like to read or cook dinner with my friends or drink coffee and read a magazine.
You know what else I have realized?
Seriously. Who gets to determine how you live your life?
You know what else? Being alone doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t have to make you feel lonely either.
I am sorry, but if you don’t like me for me, then screw you. You don’t deserve me anyway. We are all incredible in our own ways, and we truly don’t need someone to validate that. If someone does come along though and loves you for everything you are, AWESOME, but no way in hell should we stress about it. There are more important things to worry about.