Hi. It has been awhile.
I didn’t die. Close though- I got a real life job. Like 8:30 to 5, Monday through Friday, salaried job. I feel dead. I don’t know how people do it. I am exhausted, and I am supposed to be in the prime of my life. What the hell is gonna happen when I am 57? Will I just keel over at work? Lord help me.
So anywho, I am now a marketing director. Not really where I thought I would end up, but if I can pay the bills, I can’t complain. Plus, I am working for a not-for-profit center for the arts, so that makes my heart happy.
Real talk though? How do people have lives outside of their work? Like, I haven’t had such a long day since high school, and looking back, I don’t know how I did it. I wake up at 6:30 and don’t get home until 6ish. By that time I have just enough energy to eat, shower and pour myself into bed. My fitness has taken a backseat and I am freaking out. Like, I try and do squats or what not while I have my whitening strips on (30 minutes) but I don’t have the desire to do much more. This is problematic when I just ate a massive cheeseburger and fries for dinner. HELP ME. WHAT CAN I DO TO NOT GET FAT AGAIN. We all know I don’t need anything else working against me in the quest for love. If I could stay moderately average looking, that would be great.
Speaking of the burger though, I went to a restaurant, sat down, and
nearly swallowed it whole ate that bad boy alone. Such a seemingly simple task but something that was immensely stressful. All I could think of was what others would think of me for dining alone. Would they think I am a freak? Would I reek of single desperation? Would people laugh at me?
I am here to report that that did not happen, at least not to my knowledge. Although they probably didn’t have time to judge me since I nearly ate all of my food in 30 seconds flat. I don’t mess around.
Would I do it again? I’ll probs have to, especially since I am moving to a new town in May. A new town in which none of my friends live. Did I enjoy it? Did I feel super confident dining out alone? I wish with my whole heart that I could sit here and tell you that being an independent woman is fun, but I would be lying. It gets lonely. You bet your sweet ass I wished the entire time that I had someone I loved, and that loved me back eating across from me. I guess that is life though. We don’t always get what we want.
Maybe the universe has decided the job is a big enough curveball for me to handle right now and maybe my loneliness will subside. Maybe I am just overtired. Who knows? I am just trying to be open and real.
Life is hard.