death of a dream

Wake up. Go to work. Come home. Eat. Shower. Go to sleep. Do it all over again. repeat until you’re able to retire.

I am a fan of routines, but when they become monotonous, that’s when it is worrisome. We bust our asses to in school to get jobs that what? Pay our bills and feed us and that’s it? We are supposed to convince ourselves that it is just work and no one likes their job and that’s life and thank God for weekends. NO. I cannot live with that. But how do I escape “that.”

How does one get their dream job when so much of it is based on luck?

I am so thankful for the job I currently have, but I can be honest in saying it is not my dream. I don’t think anyone gets their dream right out of college. I don’t think most people get their dream ever. We just settle a bit here and there until we convince ourselves that the position we are in is good enough. Why? Because dreaming is hard. Aspirations are difficult- they make you compare yourselves to others, they make you realize that you don’t have it all, they make you WORK. And when you don’t achieve your ultimate goal, you feel like a piece of shit. So, as we grow older and wiser, we just stop dreaming. We embrace what we have, which is good, but we never go for more. We don’t push to do that thing that makes us light up inside.

I can’t handle that.

I am tired and worn out and hate excessive amounts of work, but I refused to be a squashed firefly.

I want my career, my life’s work, to make me (and others) light up.

I want to reach my dreams.

I just need to find out how.

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