The best gift of all

My 22nd birthday is still a week away, but I have decided to give myself an early present. I’m labeling the past 21 years of my life as an experiment.

What does that mean?

That means that the past 21 years were purposefully made full of trial and error.

No longer can I judge myself for any choice I made. No longer can I spend time regretting who I let myself foolishly get invested in or spend time loathing myself for things I didn’t accomplish. NO. The sole purpose of the last 21 years was to make all of the mistakes. The goal was to feel and hurt and love and cry and get pissed off. My life up until now has let me figure out things that I am not and what I don’t want.

Now, in my 22nd year, I have a better sense of self.  These past 21 years have given me a better sense of who I am and what I want to do and who I want to be with. There are still plenty of mistakes to be made and plenty of learning to be done, I am turning 22 not 82, but I feel more sure of my footing.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason- so no matter what has happened or who has impacted me, whether you made my life harder or better- thank you. Thank you to the amazing people who I have met and thank you to the biggest assholes I might ever meet. Thank you for giving me life experience. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for shaping the past 21 years. Thank you for not only bringing me to the end of a chapter, but to the end of a book.

Now, at 22, I am starting fresh.

I am starting a new novel.

I am starting to live for me and no one else.

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