Can I fast forward?

I have written countless blog posts before about feeling lonely due to my unsuccessful, always unfruitful, chases for love and I have written blog posts where I detailed feeling alone due to the emotional isolation caused by my depression. Let me tell you though, none of those prepared me for the loneliness that comes with your post-collegiate life.

This loneliness is different, and in some ways, worse.

College is a bubble. A safe, cozy bubble that makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. It is full of friendly faces that surround you and make you feel like you have a small, supportive army. Once you graduate, you’re pushed out of that bubble and forced into a harsher reality.

I have never felt as alone as I have this summer.

Yes, I have gotten to see friends and family, but it isn’t the same. My whole community is gone.

Leaving college forced me to leave 1200 people who I knew could relate to me or understand me on some level. Now, I am left with nearly no one.

I have realized that a lot of people that I thought were my friends are either consumed in their new found domestic life or are too busy with jobs or were only friendly because it was convenient. I have realized that just because they were faces I saw everyday for 4 years doesn’t mean they are faces I was meant to see for the rest of my life. And it sucks. And it is sad. Even if these people don’t want to be my forever friend, I miss seeing their faces and feeling safe. They knew me, I knew them, and we could chat and go on about our lives feeling a bit fuller. Feeling temporarily less alone.

People in their early 20s seem to dive right into making a family or be the polar opposite- spending their checks on trips and extravagant experiences. I cannot seem to find anyone who fits in neither of those boxes like me.

Losing my community has made me feel like I have lost a part of myself.

But, I suppose you can’t have something forever.

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