Just because I don’t have abs or have never been out of the country or have had one serious boyfriend or am not in a fancy apartment or am some speaker of 6 languages doesn’t mean that I am not enough.
Ever since moving to Chicago, a place that is more diverse than any place I ever lived in before, I have felt like maybe all those times someone told me I was special were a lie. That I was a big fish in a tiny pond. Fuck that. That is not fair to the places I have lived, and it surely isn’t fair to me.
I have gone on a few Tinder dates (because I seriously do not think relationships happen organically anymore) and I have encountered men who make me feel like I am losing the life race. After talking about my friends on a date, one man had the balls to tell me that I was “losing” because I wasn’t engaged and my life must be sad being the third wheel to my girlfriends.
Yeah, it does suck sometime, but I would rather be ALONE than with an asshole like that. I get so caught up in how my life is supposed to be based on comparisons to the lives of others. But their path isn’t my path. I am still figuring out my life, and I am tired of feeling like I am behind because I am not doing what everyone else is doing. Yes, I have no clue what my life holds and I get scared and sad, but that should never make me feel unworthy. Because I am not. And neither is anyone else.
Life is hard enough as is, so why should I make it harder by shitting all over myself? I am saying a huge “screw you” to anyone who tries to make me feel lesser. I am who I am and that isn’t going to change, nor should it.