It has been over 2 months since I last blogged… woah. I guess my writing absence has been due to the fact that I am tired (I picked up a morning nanny job a little over a month ago which means I am up at 4:50 AM and don’t get home until about 6:30 PM, Monday-Friday), but also due to the fact that I felt a little dried up when it comes to what I wanted to talk about. I started this blog in 2011 when I was a freshman in college. It was a nice way for my family (specifically my mom and Granny) to stay tuned in to what I was doing. Then it evolved into a way for me to process my feelings and admit to the world who I really am with the safety of hiding behind a computer screen. This blog has seen me through homesickness, friendships, loss of friends, stress, body image issues, love, heartbreak, family woes, moving, growing up, death, and what it means to be alive in this day and age. It has become an escape and a release.
Now, 5 years later, I am 23 years old. In some ways I am still who I was when I first started the blog. I am still over anxious. I still have friends that are amazing (and that I sometimes feel undeserving of). I am still worried that I will never meet “the one.”
In some ways I am different. I have gotten a pretty good grip on my depression and no longer feel like the world is crashing down all around me on the daily. I don’t obsess over my weight incessantly. And, I have lost my number one blog fan (Granny) and have been changed in the way that only a huge loss can cause.
Ultimately though, 5 years later and I am ok. Everything isn’t sunshine and rainbows but I am content. My life is good, and in some ways it is what I dreamed it would be as a scared freshman at MU. I still am in utter disbelief that I am already 23, but if I have learned anything in the past year, it is that your life can change in a minute. So I am trying to embrace the now. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about who and where I will be in the next 5 years. I have dreams, I have wishes, and I have moral obligations. The combination of them could lead me anywhere.
What I do know is that the people I love and who love me will forever remain the same, and that constant is all I could hope for at 23. So, if you love me- thank you. You’ll never truly understand how much you have filled my heart.
And if you read this because you care about me, thank you. I think the world would be a much better place if we all showed a little interest in one another’s well-being.
Here’s to hoping for 5 more years,